Should You Get Back Together with Your Ex?

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While I will admit that it hurts my credibility a little bit I can say that I have a very unique perspective because I have friends who ARE divorced. Honesty was something I was always afraid to have with him due to his reactions. We dated for almost two years..

During my final year study, he went and visited to me just once. I then got made redundant he had two lots of sugery on his hand and then I had a brain haemorrhage! We can only imagine how difficult this is. I found out about it pretty early and he promised me time and again he was going to end it.

Should You Get Back Together with Your Ex?

Dear Guys, I am still in love with my ex-husband but I am getting mixed emotions from him. A little background first. My now ex-husband and I met five years ago and we have been together for four years and were married for three years. We both have children from previous relationships and do not have any kids together. In February we got into an argument and it got heated to the point of him wanting a divorce. So he filed for divorce and I struggled through everything. I never wanted the divorce, but agreed to make him happy. In April I received a random text messages from him and he has been texting me everyday since. I have told him that I want him back. He says he only wants to be friends. But there is one small problem. That is a problem because all of our children are small. He wants me to move in with him and us live together and enjoy life together. We have hung out just the two of us and things were great. I have spent the night with him and it was amazing. He wraps his arms around me and kisses me without me doing anything. I am so confused. Can anyone give me some advice? Kayla Dear Kayla, Thanks for your question. And when you add kids into the mix things can get even more complicated, especially when a couple has never really had time to have a relationship separate from the kids. But the thing is Kayla, your kids are part of you. The two of you can dream all you want about how it might be just the two of you, but the fact of the matter is, you both have kids, and you both know your kids are your first priority. There are a growing number of married couples that have separate abodes because of their job situation, or so they can have their own space. You could talk during the week, maybe see each other one weekday night, and then spend weekends together. Or some other arrangement. And maybe you could have a mutual goal, where you keep this arrangement until the kids are a bit older and then you reevaluate your living situation at that time. There are no rules here. The two of you can figure out a plan that works best for you and your families. But the bottom line is, your kids come first. His kids come first. He should be putting as much effort into coming up with a solution as you are. Please be aware of this and keep your eyes open. Good luck and please keep us posted as this progresses. Also, feel free to leave us a follow up comment with your thoughts. Please let your friends know about us. Other related questions: Dear Guys, Just over 10 months ago my husband and I had a massive arguement and I shouted that I wanted a divorce and for him to get out. At the time I meant it but really they were just words said in the heat of the moment. He then went to his brothers and wallowed for a few weeks, not paying bills, leaving me with our 7 month old baby and making me worried out of my mind about where he was and what was going on. The arguement had really stemmed from me needing more help with the baby. I was exhausted and not coping and felt he was leaving me and not being the support I desperately needed. He met a girl and she was a friend and someone to talk to but she developed obsessive feeling for him and has told me they were together and he says it is not true. Now I found out she has been on anti-psychotic drugs and I think he may have been telling the truth about her imagining a relationship and not being able to handle being with him romantically. In the ten months of being apart, we have been on the brink of coming back together several times and it has been obvious that he still loves me and I still love him. I have a short fuse and handled the arguements badly by being insulting and we have both flung insults at each other and been hurtful. He has hardly seen our daughter in 10 months and when he does it has always been me who has invited him to see her. He has also at certain times said that he had made a mistake not coming back and that he misses me. Then a few months later he says it is irretrievable. There is so much hurt and anger and pain between us and rather than talk it out he hangs up the phone and ignores me. When I mentioned that another man was interested in me he called me a slut and got really angry. It has been 10 months. So much has happened. Do you think it is best to cut off all contact with him and to let him see what things are like with no communication from me at all? When he sees me I know that he struggles not to touch me and sometimes gets visibly upset. I no longer know what to do as I feel I have handled this so badly and messed everything up with fighting and bad behaviour. Telling him I love him seems to do nothing now as he only remembers the bad stuff and not the good stuff. We were crazy about each other. How could it go so wrong? Hopefully we can help a little. First of all, the two of you need to clear your heads a bit. And once one of you gets upset, both of you start exchanging hurtful words that are not constructive. And as you know this only perpetuates the cycle of negativity and anger. You both need some space, not as a punishment to him or you, but just as a way to give yourselves time to breathe and reflect. In order to do this, you need to set your ego aside Sophia. You have to stop that. He does too of course. What do you think? Remember, this is just a start. You might want to consider professional counseling. What do you think about all of this? This is the form part of each comment. Feel free to ask us another question or a follow up question. And let your friends know about us. And please consider a small donation to THE GUYS. Use PayPal button on any page. I became exactly what every forum said not to do, begging — pleading — serial texting. We have had dinner 3 times since the break-up and each time he has said that he would like to be with me, but he wants to have more time for us to both gain perspective. Each dinner we had chemistry, we enjoyed the dinner, but the next day I just lose it. I know in saying that, only he can decide what he wants in his life, and only I can work on me. Or needs some space. And it would be a good idea to honor his request. It might be a good time for your to reflect on what you really want, and how you want to be in the relationship—if the two of you work it out. And did you have an actual question? Back in march we had a disagreement and we broke up for 2 days, I went round and we sorted it all out, ever since en everything has been amazing we have been brilliant even as to go to cape verde on holiday at the end of June beginning of July. When we got back off holiday everything was still going really well, and then he went away to work at the Olympics, being in the RAF he had to go, it was hard but we spoke every day and he actually spoke more to me whilst he was away. He came home on Sunday 5th August as he had the Monday off so we had an amazing evening, I stayed at his and then went to work Monday morning. Do you think he could change his mind and want me back? That alone is a big red-flag, and says a lot about the kind of guy he is, and what he really thinks of you and the relationship. Considering your long history, and the fact that this whole thing was out of the blue, he should have at least had the decency to talk to you face-to-face. We do think he probably loved you, but something else is going on with him. Did he meet someone else why he was away? Please keep us posted as this progresses. Take care and hang in there. How could he throw it all away? Then let us know. I could see that my neediness was pushing him away but after 8 years together i thought he would understand and help me through it. Now i have grinded him down with my neediness i feel like i have pushed him to her. I asked him to move out and to really think what he wanted out of life thinking that it would shock him into what he stood to loose, as when we were happy we were so god damn good together in every way, surely he remembers that. In this time he has been nothing but nice towards me and said that he wants to stay friends and get on for the kids, he offers to help out around the house and offers any money that i may need, he has also sent me a beautiful long message detailing how glad he is that i am the mother of his kids and how he cries a lot at the littlest things and bottles his feelings up, but its all kid related. Do you think that I have lost him for good? And if he is seeing this girl will it last as can it still be a rebound relationship if they have known each other so long and been in contact with each other through work? We hate to see families split apart. Hopefully we can shed some light on the situation. The key is to figure out which one it is. As per this other woman. Men who leave their wives for other women, tend to come crawling back when the relationship falls apart, or the woman breaks up with him. Can you talk with him about all of this. We think he owes you that much. What do you think? I asked him about the other woman but he keeps it short and says nothing is going on, yet my friends tell me they have been in contact. We truly were happy before all the came up, we had fun as a family and together as a couple… have i lost him forever? To a certain extent, many people with kids wish life could be more balanced so they could have more time for themselves, and more freedom to do whatever they wanted to do. Give him some time, be as pleasant as you can be, and see if he initiates any sort of talk or reconciliation. Would he be willing to do that? I have found out that he was in contact with the other woman for the last 8 months of our relationship and still is! Have I really lost him forever? We can only imagine how difficult this is. Going by his words, it sounds like he is moving on. But his words have a finality to them, and when he talks, he speaks specifically of your relationship. But just the way he speaks. Makes us think his mind is made up. If it is about this other woman, then yes, there is hope. Keep us posted and feel free to use us as a sounding board whenever. We tried this whole thing before we even divorced, but there were too many open wounds and had to let some time pass because it became emotionally messy…. We each went on and dated other people and our divorce was finalized. Weeks later I asked him how it went…being sarcastic and serious at the same time. I went on a series of dates with this and that person…big thanks to FB not really ; its amazing what happens when you change your relationship status to divorced! And he met a woman he told me he was beginning to have feelings for. So we ended it very quickly. So I was walking through the grocery store a few weeks ago and BAM…just had to text him out of the blue to see if they were together anymore. My feeling was right-he had stopped seeing her…so on we went to start back up again. We never go more than 48 hours without seeing eachother and text everyday. We even hangout like buddies and have a drink then go home without doing anything at all. I got very sick when we first got married and had to have major surgery. I had to resign from a great job and it caused financial problems where we began to fight. All understandable…I feel the divorce was a hasty move, but he would never admit it even if he felt he had made a mistake too. I LOVE how things are or maybe I just love being with him , but they are also not moving forward with him…. So do I keep this up and wait for him to say something? WTF do you want ex-hubby?! HELP…what do I need to do or need to not do! We do appreciate it. Before we get to your question could you please fill us in on a few things. How long were you married? How many kids does he have? First marriage for you? In essence, he got to let go of what he considered were the difficult parts of the relationship—working through issues, day-to-day living, compromising, communicating, etc. In his mind the perfect situation. So what are you getting from this? Rhetorical Not much that we can see. This situation is going to keep you in a holding pattern for as long as it continues. And we understand, truly we do. Committed relationships take a lot of work, but all that work is worth it because it brings people even closer. And you provide him a nice boost when he needs it. What do you think? Treat this as a conversation. This is a follow up to our first reply to you. We were married about a year and divorced a few months ago. Who in their right mind would?! Thanks for giving straight forward advice. Please keep us posted and let us know how things go. One quick thought: Sometimes starting a conversation with a handwritten letter works well. That way you can get your thoughts down on paper. And he has time to digest it a bit and think. And then the actual conversation can happen after that. It also takes away some of the initial outpourings that can muddy up the waters. What do you think? I basically stood him up for our NYE date no call or texts to let him know I was breaking it off. I was that upset. I call him new years day to tell him of my discovery and during that discussion he admitted to picking up a woman at a bar 3 weeks prior and had a 1 night stand unprotected sex at that. We agreed to no contact for whatever amount of time to try and heal. I needed face to face to get closure or answers. He agreed to meet me. It was very tense, but it was nice to see him and to get answers. I had no idea they were there and they were obviously photoshopped. They were also posted more than 5 yrs ago. None of this excuses what he did. He also said i was too clingy snd pushy. And we started talking about the possibility of working it out down the road. Can this be fixed? I love him despite what he did. My ex fiance and I are friends…. So when he and I broke up it took time but we remained friends…. We never hung out really especially when I got closer to my boyfriend. Not that it justifies picking up some broad in a bar. I honestly think it was out of character for him. The first step starts with both of you. Do you think you can forgive him? And do you think he can get over the situation with your ex? And both of you have to put equal work into fixing this. He said that he felt nothing was ever good enough. Things was wonderful in the beginning of the relationship, his parents loved me, everything was perfect. About a week ago I went over to him to catch up etc, it was chilled… He tickled me the whole time… And the last time when I tickled him back he pulled me close and kissed me. It came from both sides. His mindset is friendship, but he stille feels the physical attraction. But I prayed like crazy for him to come back…I want him back…Help?! Our advice: Be patient. And just see what happens. He said he felt the physical attraction… But his mindset is friendship…do you think friendship may lead toe more? Or should I telle hom how I feel and leave it there and give him time…?

The best of marriages are those that have hard times, and learn how to get threw them. I also know he still loves me. He had con at his moms she said there talk was good he said mabey me and our daughter can move in with him later. So after months of flirting and falling more and more I decided we can give long distance a try since he comes back to our home town often and I can go con him. This puts them in that frame of mind automatically. I am beyond confused. I also told him if he needed a break to just have time for himself and go visit his family to figure things out that we could do that too.